“All Apologies”

October and the holidays is always my favorite time of year but damn the last three months have been tough! I’m completely physiologically exhausted.

My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. Until she has surgery, it’s unclear if she will have to undergo chemo. So far it doesn’t look too bad.

At an appointment, I discovered that a 60 year old hag who’s been stalking me since I was in college, is now possibly working at my neurologist’s office. In a city with 15,000+ doctors, it’s quite a fucking coincidence that she ended up at my neurologist. I can’t describe how violated I feel that she has access to my complete medical history and will definitely share it with everyone she knows.

I looked up her social media hoping to definitively confirm her employment status. In the process, I discovered that my estranged adult kids were in her extended social circle.

It was quite a blow, like a punch in the gut. I don’t know how to interpret their association with treacherous sociopaths. Maybe they don’t remember how it affected all of us when they were kids but it’s more likely that they just don’t give a damn.

Hosting Thanksgiving dinner was more expensive and more work this year but at least it was nice. Since my mother is 84, I try to treasure our time together but it’s tough when I’m taking presents over the week of Christmas and she’s deliberately mentioning everything that my cousin from Denver has done for her because I didn’t volunteer first. She knows that my back can’t take all day driving trips out of town.

I had a spinal injection (after a 2 hour delay at the hospital) 2 days ago and steroids always make me feel edgy and unable to sleep. Thanks to callous ‘loved ones’ I feel especially dejected and fucked over at the close of this year. No doubt it will bring some delight to their holidays.